there’s no such thing as being fake queer or fake trans because these things are defined wholly by self-identification and behavior. if you want to be queer or trans but aren’t sure if you’re real enough, congratulations, you’re already there. the big secret is that almost everyone is afraid of being fake. this is because there is a very powerful impetus from the rest of the world that wants you to believe that you are not fundamentally queer/trans and that therefore you should forego these things and just be “normal”. this is of course a miserable way to exist and embracing agency in being queer or trans is one of the most fulfilling things you can do
“The years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest, psychologically. It’s then you realize this is make or break, you no longer have the excuse of youth, and it is time to become an adult.”—Helen Mirren (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
How exactly does fifty shades reflect badly on the BDSM community?
I can’t believe people are still asking this.
romanticization of a maniplulative abuser
lack of and/or disposal of the importance of consent
taking advantage of someone from a lower socioeconomic class
perpetuating the risky behavior of novices hopping into D/s with no idea what it is, which ends up subjecting them to
creepy abusive assholes who prey on naive subs who thing 50 shades represents BDSM (and who are prime victims because they wouldn’t know that they are being taken advantage of since force and possessiveness seem ‘romantic to them’
People running out to get zip ties or rope and shit to tie themselves up with without actually reading up on bondage. Blood clots and injuries ensue, yay
People putting themselves into emotionally intense scenes with no preparation and ending up frightened, confused and uncomfortable.
tl;dr, if you think 50 shades is a good representative of BDSM you are too unprepared and naive to get into BDSM.
Do you ever go to your fridge because you’re hungry, but once you open it you just stare inside and want none of it? You open your pantry but still nothing appeals to you. Maybe someone even comes and suggests something, and even though you don’t know what you want, you still know that everything they said isn’t right. So you just stand around confused and hungry for no reason.
That’s what it’s like to be an asexual with a sex drive.