number one fanboy right here 

When someone from Vancouver doesn’t know what a geoduck (pronounced gooeyduck) is, something awful has gone wrong


I know what you’re thinking. Stop. 

It doesn’t actually come like, uh, that, on your plate, I meant to … oh fuck it, never mind. No, I mean you don’t fuck it. I mean you can, if you’all into that thing, it’ll still be tough. 

That’s funny. But it is. Tough. 

So you boil the shit out of it, after digging it beside the Pacific Ocean banks. I’ve lived by the Pacific all my life — in two continents, but never up north. I’ve been there. Too many Chinese. Why move? 

Once boiled, you strip it of its skin — kind of like skinning deer, only you might feel like a rabbi while you’re doing it. 

And then, as it is, you’ll get a muscle-y tendon type thing that tastes like, uh, a burst of ocean in your mouth. Yes. 

But like any cheap Asian date, it won’t give you cab fare after you’re done eating it. 

Tastes great though. Like any vulgar pleasure.